Upright
by uchihakiriko
Summary: A-ah, well, you see... there's gay love, and then there's straight love..." A will be collection of IchiRuki oneshots with some rather awkward questions.


"Ichigo."

"What, midget?"

Silence.

"Don't call me that, Strawberry." Rukia snapped her manga shut and glared heavily at the tall orange-haired man. He glared back.

"What do you want, Rukia?"

After another short moment of awkward silence, the short girl flipped open her manga book again and pointed to a page.

"Why are they kissing?" She demanded. Ichigo didn't spare her a glance as he continued to read his book. They had been through this so many times he didn't even bat an eye at that kind of question.

"People kiss when they're in love, baka. Don't shinigami fall in love, too?"

"Of course they do!" Rukia scolded him. "What I meant was, why are _they_ kissing?" The substitute shinigami scoffed.

"Do you have something against it or something?"

"No, I just find it odd that two males are kissing. Isn't love supposed to involve a girl and a guy?"

Oh, nothing.

Wait, _**what?**_

"Rukia, what are you _reading_?" The man snatched the book away from her large, innocent eyes. Ichigo quickly scanned the page, his face paling.

"Ichigo? Are you alright?" Rukia's violet eyes looked up at him curiously.

"I'm fine, midget."

"Then could you kindly explain what this is called, if it is not 'love'?"

The man mentally cursed.

"Uh… It _is_ love, Rukia…"  
"But you told me that love involves a boy and a girl!"

"God, Rukia, that's for people that are straight!"

"What do you mean by straight? Do you mean to say upright?" Rukia picked up her book and looked pointedly at the printed pages. "Because they certainly do not seem upright to me."

"Gah! Just… just take a break from your manga! Go outside or something!" Ichigo felt like banging his head against a wall, which probably wouldn't help.

"Oh… Will you go with me?"

And the petite shinigami gave him the widest puppy dog eyes he had seen in years, even with Yuzu around.

"Damn it, Rukia. You're going to be the death of me."

---___---___---

Out of all the places Rukia wanted to visit, Ichigo went along with going to the mall. (If you saw the _other_ choices, you'd know why. Just imagine a Chappi theme park with Rukia in it…)  
"Ichigo, look!" Rukia gushed in her school girl voice. Ichigo shuddered at that and turned to see what she was pointing at. "It's a candy store!"

"Candy's just going to make you hyper," Ichigo groaned. "Not that you aren't already," he added with a glance at the bouncing girl. She flashed a toothy grin at him and dragged him into the store. She filled two bags up to the brim with random candy she stuffed in, and forced the poor orange-haired man to pay for it. Walking out, Ichigo thought he'd finally be free for a while, when-

"Ichigo, look!" Rukia said in a wondrous voice. "Those two boys are _kissing_."

He twitched.

"Stop staring at them," Ichigo hissed. "It's not polite!"

"Well you aren't very polite yourself," Rukia sniffed, not taking her eyes off the awkward couple a couple feet away from them.

"I-it's different!" At that moment, Ichigo wished God would pick up a gun and just shoot him.

"Although, they seem rather straight at the moment…" She trailed off, eyeing Ichigo. He gulped.

"A-ah, well, you see… there's gay love, and then there's straight love…"

"Well, they certainly seem happy at the moment, but why are they so upright? Can't they only be one at a time?" Throwing another glance at the two men, she added, "It would probably help if they he wasn't pressing the other against the wall like that, and lying down instead…"

"What the hell are you saying, midget?" Ichigo nearly shouted. An old lady walking by shook her head disapprovingly him.

"You shouldn't yell at your girlfriend like that!" She said accusingly as she haughtily turned around. "It's rude." The tall man flushed.

"M-my girlfriend?"

"She's right, Strawberry." Rukia nodded in a know-it-all fashion. "I am both a girl, and your friend, and it is extremely impolite to talk to me like that. Especially since I am a Kuchiki!"

Another twitch.

"That's it. We're getting out of here, midget."

---___---___---

"I demand you explain to me what is going on at once!" Rukia yelled. Ichigo threw her roughly onto his bed and glared at her.

"Man, what am I going to do with you, Rukia?"

"How about explaining what you've been trying to explain all day, baka?" Her violet eyes glinted up at him violently, and he realized she was actually serious.

"E-er… there's... well… 'gay' and 'straight' have two meanings…" He began nervously. She just looked at him curiously, so he continued. "Gay meaning… guy love," Ichigo choked out the word, "and straight being love between… a girl and a boy…" he trailed off. When he looked up, he saw Rukia drawing studiously on her pad. After a moment, she proudly raised it to show it to him.

Ichigo blanched.

"I'm getting rid of that thing!" He leapt for the notebook. Rukia gasped dramatically and lifted her notebook out of the way. Ichigo crashed into the raven-haired shinigami, and they both fell to the floor with a rather noticeable _thud_.

"Ichigo? Are you okay up there?" Yuzu's worried voice floated up. Footsteps were heard through Ichigo's closed bedroom door, and it was in that moment that Ichigo realized the two were in a rather… suggestive position.

Cursing, he tried to get off, but Rukia's dark eyes held them there. For a moment, the two stared at each other. Something jolted through Ichigo, and he was mesmerized. All of a sudden-

"ICHIGOOOOO!!" Isshin burst in through the door, then saw the two and after a (awkward) moment, began bursting into tears of joy. Yuzu just stared blankly.

"MY SON HAS FINALLY GROWN UP AND BEGINNING TO ENJOY THE FRUITS A WOMAN HAS TO OFFER!" A rather loud crash could be heard as the man dashed downstairs and began worshiping the picture of Masaki.

"Oh, my dear Masaki! Ichigo has finally marked himself as a man! I'm so proud of our son!"

After another long moment of awkward silence, it finally sunk into Ichigo's mind what his father was saying.

The clock ticked nervously for three seconds, and the house was in complete silence.

Then-

"WHAATTTT?" Ichigo yelled. "SHUT UP YOU OLD MAN!!" Disentangling himself from a dazed Rukia, the substitute shinigami nearly leapt down the stairs, and another round of crashes and bangs were hears as Ichigo kicked the hell out of his own father. Yuzu stared at Rukia timidly.

"I-it wasn't what it looked like," Rukia assured nervously with a sickly sweet voice. "He was just being clumsy and fell on me."

"Oh… okay." The poor girl backed out of the room and nearly fainted. Rukia glanced down at her notepad and felt a blush creep onto her face. What had just happened?

---___---___---

Night settled over Karakura town, the full moon shining brightly. It was actually silent for a moment, Ichigo noted, and he had just begun drifting off when a familiar voice whispered,

"Ichigo."

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Ichigo turned around and glanced up at the small shinigami.

"What?"

"Do you… love me?"

The question caught the man off guard, and he spluttered aimlessly for a moment. There was no humor in Rukia's eyes, and it scared him.

And then, a more broken whispered.

"I believe… I love you."

Ichigo's amber eyes widened, and before he could answer, Rukia's serious face morphed into a happy one.

"That means I'm straight, right?"

Hello, narrator? Please insert a sweatdrop on Ichigo's head…

Ichigo sweatdropped.

"W-wha… Yeah, it does…" He murmured, not being able to bring himself to Rukia's wide, innocent eyes.

"Thank goodness! I've been thinking about that the whole day, and I'm so happy I've finally got it right!" Rukia let out an uncharacteristic squeal, and Ichigo could have sworn he saw her body tense up for a half second. Her hand trailed down her neck, down her collarbone, unintentionally seductive. Ichigo groaned.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" Rukia practically pouted. Ichigo let out a low growl.

"Stop _that_." Her fingers were now fingering her shirt, pulling it down slightly. The girl licked her lips, then looked up at his widening orbs.

"Tell me… what am I doing wrong?" She whispered. Ichigo could have sworn he saw an evil glint flash through her eyes.

"N-nothing…"

"Good…" she purred, crawling over next to him, leaning over him. Her warm breath blew over his face. "Because I sure wouldn't want to _disappoint_ you…" Ichigo's breath became more labored as Rukia pulled her shirt down even more, and the girl let out a soft moan.

"Damn it," Ichigo cursed, pushing her down onto the bed. In a moment of pure adrenaline, he crushed his lips down on hers. Rukia's eyes widened, then slowly closed as she returned the kiss with full force. After a moment, they pulled away panting, staring into each other's burning eyes. Ichigo's skin burned where she touched him as her soft, small hand trailed down his chest to his waist, tugging on his pants. Then she looked up at him and tilted her head curiously.

"Since we're no longer standing or sitting… does that mean we're gay?"

---___---___---

Oh man, I just LOVE Rukia's innocence!

Press that review button… you know you want to! You even get COOKIES if you do! Isn't that awesome?

_**Join the brown side…**_

_**We have brownies!**_

_No, join the dark side! We have cookies!_


End file.
